Twenty-two Habits of Unhappy People

I read an article with a similar title this week. 

http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People

As I read it, not only did I agree with the premise of those habits being part of the problem of being unhappy, but Bible verses were coming to my mind that seemed relevant to each practice mentioned. I decided to put these verses in my blog. My blog has never been for the purpose of indoctrination or evangelism, and I usually leave Scripture out of it. However, this time I feel as though I want to point out the relevance of the Bible to this 21st Century problem of unhappiness.

None of us are happy all the time, and unfortunately, I have found myself taking part in a few of these practices, and can attest first-hand to the link to unhappiness. I have started with twelve of the twenty-two habits, and at least one Bible verse to go with each one. I'll get the other ten in my next blog. An amazing (to me anyway!) tech note: If you click on the blue or red scripture reference, it will take you to the Bible Gateway site!

Chronic Complaining -Jeremiah 30:19

From them will come songs of thanksgiving and the sound of rejoicing. I will add to their numbers, and they will not be decreased; I will bring them honor, and they will not be disdained.

Retail Therapy - Philippians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Binge Drinking - Proverbs 23:21

for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags

Worrying About the Future - Matthew 6:25

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

Waiting for the Future - Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Lack of Hobbies - Proverbs 31 

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Eating Poorly - Leviticus 7:24

The fat of an animal found dead or torn by wild animals may be used for any other purpose, but you must not eat it.

Leviticus 11:9 - “‘Of all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales.

Leviticus 25:19 - Then the land will yield its fruit, and you will eat your fill and live there in safety.

Talking Poorly of Others - Proverbs 11:13 - A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.  Proverbs 16:28 A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

Holding Grudges - 2 Corinthians 2:7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

Leviticus 19:18  Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

Stop Learning - Job 34:4 Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good. Proverbs 1:5  Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance

Not Following Through - James 1:4  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Hating Your Job - Ecclesiastes 9:10  Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Tales of Snow and Cold - The Polar Vortex

Photo taken by Melissa Schrock in NY

This week, the Polar Vortex descended on our continent, causing the lowest temperatures on record in many places. This blog is entitled "Tales of Snow and Ice" because I haven't experienced any of this firsthand since we moved from Colorado when I was ten.  However, the effects of the vortex have caused our thermometers to drop as well. It is only 36 this morning  in sunny California.

I have many FaceBook friends who live in colder climates, and as their yards and cities began to get their new crystal garments, the young moms would gamely post the fun things they were doing with their families: happy snowmen, snow angels, skating, sledding, and even making Jello snow. Their photos were
breathtakingly beautiful of trees laden with ice, the sun bravely trying to shine though.

Photo taken by Melissa Schrock in NY

Posts last week weren't as jolly; "Shoveling snow is backbreaking work, especially when your husband is out of town and it's up to the woman to clear the drive so kids can go to school;"  "The power went out but we're huddling together to keep warm;" "We haven't left the house for days." 

Other results of this vortex have  sometimes been stunningly gorgeous. Pictures of the Niagara Falls with the water and spray frozen in place, forming an ice fall of epic proportions; a huge lighthouse on an eastern lake, so covered with ice, fantastically shaped icicles, and snow, that it resembled a majestic fantasy king from some alien, frozen land. (Lake Michigan)

However, the dangerous side of ice and snow has lurked and burst out in so many stories I've seen: Three Amtrak trains with 500 people on board got frozen to their tracks and were covered by blowing snow;  boats in rivers and harbors marooned, iced in; jack-knifing trucks sliding into traffic or off the road because of road conditions. Just yesterday, I heard from a friend whose car tires refused to grab hold in her own driveway, not just once, but twice in the same day because of blowing snow covering icy concrete.

Hopefully, this brutal weather pattern is on its way out. It has left behind a mess, but people who are made in the image of God, will pull together as they always do after a crisis, and warmth and healing will be on the land again. 

Kindred Spirits

My granddaughter's classroom

Yesterday I got an email from a good friend who had a compliment for me about my new book on lessons learned as a teacher of elementary children. She said she recognized three people in my book, even though there were no names attached, and I began to think about some other experiences we shared. We taught together for at least twenty years (I think) and probably a third of all the children I taught had also been in her class when they were younger. My memories made me laugh, so I thought perhaps they'd make my readers laugh as well.

I would have to say that the great majority of children I've taught were delightful most of the time. However, my friend and I have indelible memories of a child she taught one year and I had the next year. We dealt with the child's unbelievable background, incredible drama, and unpleasant surprises each and every day. There was daily fighting, twenty-seven other unhappy children who watched this child go into meltdown mode, and tears. (Those would be mine!)

Of course I never observed my friend's class when she had this child, and barely knew her troubles during that time. Professional teachers seldom discuss a child in the teachers' room on breaks, but as I questioned my friend about this child during the year and hollered for help, the pieces came together. Now, years later, experiences still fresh in our memories, we might share a look when we know we're thinking of this child. Hmmm, not really funny...let's move on!

My friend and I tended to dress similarly, and even showed up at school one day in exactly the same blue and white print dresses. I have a picture somewhere. During Christmas, we wore jolly sweatshirts, and and while we didn't have any that truly matched, our holiday spirits did, and we got into the fun of it. During the years we wore costumes for Halloween, everyone could count on us to participate; "pumpkin head" and "curler babe."

One morning after both our husbands retired, we would tiptoe around in the dark mornings in our homes so as not to awaken them. After dressing quietly and slipping out to come to school, we sat in the teachers' room enjoying a moment before heading to our classes. I can't remember which of us noticed first, but the conversation went something like this: "Uh oh, you have something on the front of your shirt. It looks like...it is! The tag! Your shirt is on wrong side out!"
Then as we peered at each other, we dissolved into laughter."Your shirt is wrong side out too!" Yep, dressing in the dark had its downside. Our superintendent came to school with two different shoes on shortly after that, and we felt better.

We're enjoying retirement now, but really miss those days. Now we can laugh about some of them.

Absent Presence

Last month we celebrated my husband's Aunt and Uncle's 70th Wedding Anniversary.  It was a diverse gathering of family and friends, aged twenty to ninety who came to rejoice with two people who had dedicated their lives to each other, their family, and to education. This was a group of well-educated, bright, and interesting people.

As I thought back through the evening, it hit me that something was missing from this undoubtedly technology-savvy group; no iPhones or other such devices were attached to anyones' hand!
They were actually talking with each other, laughing at witty comments, and focusing on the people sitting with them. I wrote one of my first blogs on Sept. 5, 2011 about this problem. The following is a paragraph from that blog:

"Even the smaller children have their battery-operated games with them. In any given booth at a restaurant these days you’ll find at least two adults who are either talking to or texting with other people, and a child or two who either:  Stare off into space because they are being totally ignored, play a game alone, or are fighting with each other over whose turn it is to play."

An interesting video has surfaced on FaceBook which shows several scenarios of device-use. One which stood out the most to me was a clip of two girls in swings at a park. One girl was swinging for all she was worth, laughing as the wind blew her hair back. The other girl was sitting motionless in her swing, tapping away on her phone. Another one showed a young woman enjoying the ocean as it raced onto the shore and back again, while her friend was turned away from the scene, talking loudly and excitedly about some mundane story about a box! The last one I'll mention showed a bowling alley and a teenager getting a strike. When she came bouncing back to the seats, no one looked up from their phones to congratulate her!

Do you know there is a wedding cake topper with bride and groom both texting behind each others' back? It's supposed to be funny, but a YouTube video shows a bride texting as she walks down the aisle on her father's arm. Yikes!

Having mentioned FaceBook, that brings up my problem: Being on the computer too long! The pastor at our former church calls it, "absent presence;" anything that takes your mind away from the people who are with you. It can be the computer, television, even reading. We just have to remember that real people are much more important than media, and that conversation is an art we mustn't let die out. 

Thoughts on Friendship Two

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Since time is indeed slipping away from us, we should think about how to be good friends to those we already have, and to be open to making new friends!

Here are four categories of "friend behavior." 

• A friend who delights
• A friend who is dedicated 
• A friend who disappoints  
• A friend who deserts.

Ask yourself, “What kind of friend am I?”

Do you delight your friends? Are you the kind of friend that your friends are delighted to see?  

Are you reliable, trustworthy, faithful, and there when needed? Are you dedicated to them and they to you? 

Have you disappointed someone, perhaps been  selfish, giving them little time?

Are you the kind of friend who’d desert? 

 Hopefully you have never deserted one of your friends who desperately needed you, but it may have happened to you. We’ve all been hurt, rejected by somebody, and If you haven’t, you just haven’t lived long enough because it’s going to happen. When this happens, forgiveness is absolutely necessary and we must give it in spite of our hurts. When we don't forgive, the only person we hurt is ourself.  You can’t make people love you, you can’t make them like you or want you, but one thing’s for certain. You can forgive them, no matter what. Forgiveness is healing, especially for yourself.

There are some practical ways to be a true friend. thoughtful gifts are nice, but it’s not about giving presents unless you offer the following from an article in The Daily Bread:

• The gift of listening-no interrupting, no planning your response. Just listening.
• The gift of affection. Being generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, and pats on the back.
• The gift of laughter. Sharing funny stories and jokes. Your gift will say, “I love to laugh with you.”
• The gift of a written note. Expressing in a brief, handwritten note your appreciation or affection. 
• The gift of a compliment. Sincerely saying, “You look great today” or “You are special” can bring a smile.  

Of course, homemade baked goods are always a great way to express friendship as well!!

Thoughts on Friendship

Don told me the other day that David Schwimmer got $750,000 for each television episode of Friends in which he acted. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I began to think of a talk I got to give at a women's retreat one year about friends, and decided to condense it for my blog. 

This was inspired by Dr. Charles Stanley, a wonderful television pastor.

Most of us think of ourselves as having friends, perhaps not as expensive as David Schwimmer, but just as valuable. Throughout my life of living in several “circles” there have been many people I could categorize as friends. My teacher friends and I meet for breakfast, I see my church friends on Sunday, at Bible study, care group, and when we meet just for fun. There are friends in my neighborhood. Some of my friends are casual, others close, and perhaps two or three are truly intimate. Friends are important parts of our lives, and I know reams of material have been written on the subject. 

Our relationships and friendships can cause pain and disappointment. It’s just a fact of life.  All of us have been hurt by a friend who proves unfaithful. Even members of our family or the closest of friends can let us down.  Friends are only people after all.

The let down comes as a shock in some cases, or you expected it in others, but it is never easy when you’re going through it.  How we react to it when it happens is what I'm writing about.

 I experienced one such let down years ago when I went to a church retreat  with a friend and visualized the weekend having fun, eating meals, and talking with this person. However, when we got there, another group of people caught her attention and she began “hanging out” with them, leaving me to my own devices. I was hurt and had to do a lot of praying and self-encouragement in order to enjoy any part of the retreat. I chose to spend time alone, and I’m sure my face showed how I felt.

However, I chose, with God's help, to put the whole incident behind me when retreat was over, and go on nurturing and taking care of that friendship. 

 I’m so glad I decided to take care of that friendship. As it turned out, she was going through an emotional upheaval at the time and was reacting to life in general in unusual ways. We are still “buddies,” even though she’s moved away, and probably doesn’t even remember the weekend! 

An important thought to consider is that the less time you have to live, (less tomorrow than today!) the less time to build friendships, so you better take care of the ones you have.  I'll revisit this topic in my next blog!

Birds of a Feather Sure Fight A Lot!

"Bird is a four letter word; B, i, r, d!" Sesame Street characters happily taught kids how to spell while imprinting their ditties on unsuspecting adult minds as well. It's been thirty-five or more years since Bert or Ernie first sang that, and it still comes to mind while I'm watching the antics of some of my favorite creations. We ate breakfast outside this morning and enjoyed some up-close-and-personal time with our birds.

The hummers were fighting, as usual, over domination of our one remaining feeder. We had three, but because of bees and my slippery hands, we gave up two of them. I wish I could have clocked their speed as they flew in and out of our ramada, chasing one another away from the nectar. I know they came within three inches of my head! Silly creatures.  There are four openings with little perches where they could rest and drink to their heart's content, but I guess they don't see it that way.

Our seed feeder was attracting sparrows, doves, and finches, and yes, they were sparring over it too. I always love watching the drama as one group flies in and ousts the feeding flock. The departing birds rise almost as one and circle around a bit, only to come back down to "their rightful spots." The scrub jays will pick out corn or sunflower seeds from the feeder, but they prefer raw peanuts. Talk about fighting over food...they can have thirty peanuts to choose from, but screech and fly at one another over one nut. Their M.O. is to strut around from peanut to peanut, testing each one by picking it up and dropping it again. Having found the perfect one, if it doesn't get snatched by a competing brother, they fly up to our bank and bury it in the ice plant. This behavior is repeated until the patio is bare, and the originally rejected peanuts are all gone.

Another feeder we fill is for the orioles, those gorgeous black and yellow males with the more sedate-looking females. Oddly enough, they love grape jelly and will empty the specially designed feeder every other day until they migrate. I haven't noticed them fighting too much, but their swooping, somewhat erratic flight (up and down) has intrigued me all summer.  They didn't show up today. I'll miss them.

There are many other birds which live in and around our canyon in the front of our home, but the mockingbirds, pigeons, and crows, while they are constantly flying around the trees, don't make a habit of visiting. We have actually had a roadrunner, a hawk, and a family of quails come in our backyard, and at night we hear owls calling to each other. A family of ducks tried to make the clubhouse swimming pool their home, but were relocated.

It's amazing to me that we have this awesome variety of birds with different voices and feather patterns and colors. The Bible says this about the most plain bird around, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."