Who’s in Control?

If I know you personally, let me assure you I am not writing about you or your child. All the children and their parents, in my sphere are not the subjects of this blog, and to be fair and honest, most of the children I see are behaving quite nicely.  I guess the kids I know are in this first paragraph!

          However, more and more, I’m seeing behavior of children and reactions from parents which causes me to wonder who truly is in control of their home.

          Here are a few examples of this lack of control issue:  Sitting in our beach chairs yesterday, we observed a dad and his boys. Obviously on their way off the beach, the dad commanded the guys to head for the car.

           “I’m going back in the water,” the littlest kid declared without a backward glance.

           “I said get to the car!” the father roared.

          At that point, the child scampered off to the surf, with his dad hollering, “Well o.k., but don’t get sandy!”  

Whew, unbelievable, because the child was then unsupervised (oh, yeah, the Red Flag warnings were up) as the others went to the car. As many are fond of saying today, “Seriously?”

On another occasion, we were down below the deck of an historic ship named The Californian, which sits in the harbor at San Diego. A dad and his two boys were there as well, surely pretending to sail the oceans, but not in a way expected of people aboard an antique and precious souvenir of days gone by. Yes, tourists are allowed to “steer” with the helm above, help turn the anchor chain, and peer into long unused bunks and galley. However, these guys were hopping around within the displays, checking out off limit cupboards and instruments. In this case, the father never said a word of reprimand to his sons!

While subbing in a church school kindergarten, I proceeded to introduce myself and help them with opening calendar activities. A darling little girl opened her mouth and yelled, “You shut up! It’s my turn to talk.” It’s all a blur after that. Although her parent wasn’t physically in the class, no one gets to that point in rudeness by five years old without a little help at home.

This kind of non or poor parenting seems be on the rise, but I do remember having a father on a field trip with our class in Sacramento MANY years ago who himself acted like a child. Rather than being in charge as he was asked, he allowed his group to disobey most rules, to arrive late for their appointment at the train museum by going to the magic shop instead, and by putting itching powder they’d been allowed to buy in a drinking fountain at the airport.

Parents can’t be their child’s buddy all the time, and believe it or not, kids want and need discipline with justice from them. So keep at it and don’t give up the goal of great kids!