Thoughts on Friendship Two

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Since time is indeed slipping away from us, we should think about how to be good friends to those we already have, and to be open to making new friends!

Here are four categories of "friend behavior." 

• A friend who delights
• A friend who is dedicated 
• A friend who disappoints  
• A friend who deserts.

Ask yourself, “What kind of friend am I?”

Do you delight your friends? Are you the kind of friend that your friends are delighted to see?  

Are you reliable, trustworthy, faithful, and there when needed? Are you dedicated to them and they to you? 

Have you disappointed someone, perhaps been  selfish, giving them little time?

Are you the kind of friend who’d desert? 

 Hopefully you have never deserted one of your friends who desperately needed you, but it may have happened to you. We’ve all been hurt, rejected by somebody, and If you haven’t, you just haven’t lived long enough because it’s going to happen. When this happens, forgiveness is absolutely necessary and we must give it in spite of our hurts. When we don't forgive, the only person we hurt is ourself.  You can’t make people love you, you can’t make them like you or want you, but one thing’s for certain. You can forgive them, no matter what. Forgiveness is healing, especially for yourself.

There are some practical ways to be a true friend. thoughtful gifts are nice, but it’s not about giving presents unless you offer the following from an article in The Daily Bread:

• The gift of listening-no interrupting, no planning your response. Just listening.
• The gift of affection. Being generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, and pats on the back.
• The gift of laughter. Sharing funny stories and jokes. Your gift will say, “I love to laugh with you.”
• The gift of a written note. Expressing in a brief, handwritten note your appreciation or affection. 
• The gift of a compliment. Sincerely saying, “You look great today” or “You are special” can bring a smile.  

Of course, homemade baked goods are always a great way to express friendship as well!!

Thoughts on Friendship

Don told me the other day that David Schwimmer got $750,000 for each television episode of Friends in which he acted. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I began to think of a talk I got to give at a women's retreat one year about friends, and decided to condense it for my blog. 

This was inspired by Dr. Charles Stanley, a wonderful television pastor.

Most of us think of ourselves as having friends, perhaps not as expensive as David Schwimmer, but just as valuable. Throughout my life of living in several “circles” there have been many people I could categorize as friends. My teacher friends and I meet for breakfast, I see my church friends on Sunday, at Bible study, care group, and when we meet just for fun. There are friends in my neighborhood. Some of my friends are casual, others close, and perhaps two or three are truly intimate. Friends are important parts of our lives, and I know reams of material have been written on the subject. 

Our relationships and friendships can cause pain and disappointment. It’s just a fact of life.  All of us have been hurt by a friend who proves unfaithful. Even members of our family or the closest of friends can let us down.  Friends are only people after all.

The let down comes as a shock in some cases, or you expected it in others, but it is never easy when you’re going through it.  How we react to it when it happens is what I'm writing about.

 I experienced one such let down years ago when I went to a church retreat  with a friend and visualized the weekend having fun, eating meals, and talking with this person. However, when we got there, another group of people caught her attention and she began “hanging out” with them, leaving me to my own devices. I was hurt and had to do a lot of praying and self-encouragement in order to enjoy any part of the retreat. I chose to spend time alone, and I’m sure my face showed how I felt.

However, I chose, with God's help, to put the whole incident behind me when retreat was over, and go on nurturing and taking care of that friendship. 

 I’m so glad I decided to take care of that friendship. As it turned out, she was going through an emotional upheaval at the time and was reacting to life in general in unusual ways. We are still “buddies,” even though she’s moved away, and probably doesn’t even remember the weekend! 

An important thought to consider is that the less time you have to live, (less tomorrow than today!) the less time to build friendships, so you better take care of the ones you have.  I'll revisit this topic in my next blog!

Birds of a Feather Sure Fight A Lot!

"Bird is a four letter word; B, i, r, d!" Sesame Street characters happily taught kids how to spell while imprinting their ditties on unsuspecting adult minds as well. It's been thirty-five or more years since Bert or Ernie first sang that, and it still comes to mind while I'm watching the antics of some of my favorite creations. We ate breakfast outside this morning and enjoyed some up-close-and-personal time with our birds.

The hummers were fighting, as usual, over domination of our one remaining feeder. We had three, but because of bees and my slippery hands, we gave up two of them. I wish I could have clocked their speed as they flew in and out of our ramada, chasing one another away from the nectar. I know they came within three inches of my head! Silly creatures.  There are four openings with little perches where they could rest and drink to their heart's content, but I guess they don't see it that way.

Our seed feeder was attracting sparrows, doves, and finches, and yes, they were sparring over it too. I always love watching the drama as one group flies in and ousts the feeding flock. The departing birds rise almost as one and circle around a bit, only to come back down to "their rightful spots." The scrub jays will pick out corn or sunflower seeds from the feeder, but they prefer raw peanuts. Talk about fighting over food...they can have thirty peanuts to choose from, but screech and fly at one another over one nut. Their M.O. is to strut around from peanut to peanut, testing each one by picking it up and dropping it again. Having found the perfect one, if it doesn't get snatched by a competing brother, they fly up to our bank and bury it in the ice plant. This behavior is repeated until the patio is bare, and the originally rejected peanuts are all gone.

Another feeder we fill is for the orioles, those gorgeous black and yellow males with the more sedate-looking females. Oddly enough, they love grape jelly and will empty the specially designed feeder every other day until they migrate. I haven't noticed them fighting too much, but their swooping, somewhat erratic flight (up and down) has intrigued me all summer.  They didn't show up today. I'll miss them.

There are many other birds which live in and around our canyon in the front of our home, but the mockingbirds, pigeons, and crows, while they are constantly flying around the trees, don't make a habit of visiting. We have actually had a roadrunner, a hawk, and a family of quails come in our backyard, and at night we hear owls calling to each other. A family of ducks tried to make the clubhouse swimming pool their home, but were relocated.

It's amazing to me that we have this awesome variety of birds with different voices and feather patterns and colors. The Bible says this about the most plain bird around, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

1 Corinthians 15:55
“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?  Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

Death has taken us by surprise this last year, beginning last May when our tiny Georgia Rae only lived a few short hours because she was born too soon.  

Then, back in December, our niece was taken suddenly as she walked a lonely road and was hit by a car. 

 This May, our son-in-law's beautiful, bubbly mother succumbed to her illness, and though she endured it over two years, I thought she'd beat it. So it was surprising when the call came.  

My own cousin died in May as well, and was followed too soon by her husband. 

On the Fourth of July, a family friend was walking her grandson to the fireworks show, and was struck by a drunk driver who fled the scene. So shocking and unnecessary. 

We've been praying for the healing of a young grandmother whose daughter is a close friend. She died yesterday of cancer.

These are all people we know personally, so I shouldn't even mention the 777 that crash-landed in SFO yesterday, killing two,  but it too, was shocking.

We were watching Sleepless in Seattle for the who-knows-how-many-time last night.  At the scene of Tom Hanks wife's funeral, he tells his little boy something like this, "Mommy got sick and had to go away. If we try to figure out why, we'll just go crazy."  

So, we trust that even though we do not get it at all, it makes us angry, and we wish it didn't happen, we have to give up thinking about it and trying to figure it out. Then, sort of like children who watch their dad labor over "the dreaded bills," many past due,  we let God worry about it and just support Him by loving Him.

Fifty Years

Tomorrow we will celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary. My neighbor asked if we'd had a happy marriage (she's almost ninety, and as my mom used to say she felt could say or ask anything she wanted to when she turned 80!)  Anyway, I immediately said yes, that our marriage had been exceptionally happy. I decided to attempt to write a few reasons we've been able to enjoy fifty years with each other.

We were so young when we tied the knot, both twenty-one. However, our youth seemed to prove helpful as the years went by for many reasons: We were each others' one and only; we hadn't become set in our ways or rigid in our thinking; and as a song says, "We're young and healthy!" 

Not always completely healthy, even in our early years of marriage, we learned to rely on each other for comfort and care. Between us we've had broken bones, joint replacements, migraines, and depression, but through it all, we have usually reacted to one another with compassion and patience; losing sleep together, driving one another to the doctor, ER, and hospital, and dispensing medicine and love.. Once we had children these "opportunities for bonding" increased, and we shared responsibilities in their health care, taking turns staying home from work or bundling them up in the middle of the night for a trip to the doctor.

As with taking care of our children, we've never had strict rules about who did what. I've painted walls, pulled weeds, taken the trash barrels out to the curb, and carried my own luggage. Don has always done the grocery shopping, even when the kids were small. He irons his own clothing, loads the dishwasher, and likes to rustle up his own food once in a while. We both water plants, vacuum, and put sheets on the bed. 

Concerning the bedroom, before we got married we were counseled never to go to bed angry. We seldomly got to the point of really being angry because we made it a point to at least try to listen to the other's point of view without interrupting. The key word there is "Listen," not always easy to do when you're feeling frustrated, but so necessary. As a result, sleeping on the couch never became a reality, much less a pattern. We were on the same "wave-length" most of the time too, because we were both teachers and understood the problems and how worn out or concerned about work the other might be. 

There are many more factors that have made our marriage what it is, but I'll just finish with a little list: We pray and worship together; We try to be as polite to each other as to a respected friend; We never leave without saying "Goodbye" and kissing; We pick up our own clothing, dishes, papers, and anything else we've gotten out; We shield each other by not discussing faults with anyone or getting a laugh at the expense of our mate; We don't tell the other what to do or how to do anything. Oh, and we make each other laugh a lot! 

Being human, we mess up.  But when we do, we work at making it right as soon as possible, apologizing, extending grace to the other, and remembering what to do the next time. Hallmark has said it well in a card we got today.

 "Not every couple can stick together through

 both the good times and the bad,

 trusting, forgiving, and encouraging each other

 for fifty golden years.

 Not every couple can celebrate

 what you celebrate today~

a love that has stood

 the test of time,

 a love blessed by God, 

a love more precious than gold!"  

 1Thessalonians 3:12 ~ May the Lord make your love

 increase and overflow for each other.

Restless Wind

The wind was blowing ever so slightly this morning here in San Marcos, only a 1 on my "Richter Scale of Wind Events!"   It sparked a discussion of our wind experiences and I thought I'd catagorize them here on my own Wind Scale.

Measurement #                 Wind Activity

    1          Gently blowing ears of my dogs as they proudly stick their heads out of the
                car window.
    2          Spring breezes scattering leaves across the grass.
    3          Whistling at the windows and doors;  leaves gathering in little piles
                around the plants.
    4          Currents extinguishing outdoor candles immediately upon lighting,  even
                in glass chimneys.
    5          Gusts  spreading trash around the neighborhood.
    6          Strong gusts picking up anything under 50 pounds; taking out every loose
                item in the car.
                upon opening the doors. Shaking a portable classroom; turning an umbrella
                inside out.
                Scooping out the contents of a cup; once a malt, another time, coffee.
    7          Rattling and sometimes breaking large windows; breaking branches
                from trees
    8          Catching any open door and slamming it forcefully;         
                knocking doors off their hinges,  breaking ribs of the person in the way.
    9          Uprooting whole trees, taking a metal shed over the wall,
                destroying the wall.
  10          Taking down all the utility poles for a block,  jamming traffic for hours.
                Catching the fire burning across the foothills, creating a blow torch effect.


When we first moved to Cucamonga in 1971, my memory didn't include many wind stories. However, within a few days, we began to discover real wind. All of the above activities of this weather phenomenon really happened to us or someone we knew well, during the years we lived in San Bernardino County. Don and I agreed we miss the wind and the excitement it brings; at least up to Measurement #6 on my scale. 

There's a real measurement called  the Beaufort scale; a wind of force 2 to 6 on the Beaufort scale (4–27 knots or 4.5-31 mph) is a breeze. A 10 would include"Very widespread damage to vegetation. Some windows may break; mobile homes and poorly constructed sheds and barns are damaged. Debris and unsecured objects are hurled about."  

Oddly enough, my wind scale and Beaufort's are similar, even though I just read the whole Wiki entry after creating my own. The bottom line is that not all wind experiences are as sweet as Rossetti's poem.

Sleep; The Elusive Dream

I used to sleep like the proverbial log when I was younger and would wonder about the occasional person I heard about who couldn't sleep. Drinking a cup or two of coffee later in the evening never bothered me, and my husband always said I was asleep within minutes of putting my head on the pillow. Only if it was within an hour of my actual alarm time would it be hard for me to slip back into slumber. Then, thoughts of the day ahead would overtake my desire for a little more sleep. 

Now that I'm retired, sleeping has become a struggle. Getting to sleep still seems to be a happy thought, and my comforter, crisp white sheets, and fresh air pouring in all the bedroom windows beckon me as I nod off on the couch. However, only one or two hours of unconsciousness is mine before my eyes pop open and my every-other-hour trips to sleeplessness begin.  Curiousity gets the best of me and then I check the clock. Yep, I was awake only an hour ago. 

Exercise seems to be a factor;  if I haven't gotten any exercise during the day my legs get the "wiggles" and I need to walk through the house listening to my iPod for an hour. Too much exercise causes my calf muscles to cramp up, sending me straight up and out of bed in an effort to stretch the offending culprits. And drinking coffee before bed? Forget about it and anything else after 3:00! You get the picture.

Other facets of my sleeplessness can include: I'm too hot, too cold, the pillow feels like a rock or a sponge depending on my state of mind; both of us snore and wake the other one up regularly; and irritating at the least, and a bit scary, is my inability to get a certain tune out of my head. It will be there when I wake up even if I haven't listened to it for days and have worked at getting other songs into my repertoire. Ugh. 

Not one for taking medications unless prescribed by the doctor, "the green butterfly" (Ambien)  and his associates won't become part of my pill taking. Melatonin, St. John's Wart, and the occasional Tylenol will have to suffice. Their effects don't last until noon either. 

Vivid in my memory is Michael J. Foxx in some episodes of Family Ties when he went sleepless for many days and was so miserable, and it reminds me that my sleep troubles are minor and don't interfere with my life.